


Twenty Three

by Venstar



Series: Meaningless Scars [23]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Inspired by Welcome to Night Vale, Welcome to Night Vale News Program Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 06:44:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15407277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Venstar/pseuds/Venstar
Summary: For those of you who want ringside seats to the meeting of one floating cat and one master assassin, I bid you, come crouch down by me as we take bets as to who will survive this encounter...





	Twenty Three

I have a shared heart.  
There’s just us.  
I would hear him forever.

These are just some of the things I overheard today, in the fabled Halls of MI6, said the man in the radio.

Pay no attention to what is lurking just beyond your view. It won’t hurt you. Yet. Not unless you ask nicely. Instead, listen to the soothing sound of my voice as I lull you into a false sense of security.

In today’s news, we focus on why is the cafeteria serving THAT again and when did the carpool decide to overflow. Please follow me along on this journey of gastrointestinal distress and high water.

Breaking news. A cat has been seen in the mens bathroom. I repeat, a cat has been spotted in the mens bathroom. Don’t blink, don’t move, don’t even think about moving and the cat will not harm you. He might follow you, but like all cats, that’s normal. They have a tendency to adopt the least willing or those who have treats. He also floats, but don’t let that scare you. We are unsure if it qualifies as flying. Tests are being prepared as we speak to determine if floating is flying. We will get down to the real story of this beast soon. We have sent an intern to interview this apparition and before he was eaten, it was revealed that the cats name is Khoshekh. And now, back to today’s topics.

Avoid the cafeteria. Avoid the cafeteria. They are serving tuna salad sandwiches. Khoshekh, our new floating cat, seems to be fond of this item. It was reported he was seen floating into the cafeteria and swiping once bitten sandwiches from employees who had to run back to the bathrooms to void the contents of their stomach into the toilets. It would appear that these tuna salad sandwiches are Khoshekh safe. If you have one of these sandwiches, give them up immediately as a tribute to the great Khoshekh.

A news bulletin has just been brought to me by our new intern. When did we get a new intern? It reports that Khoshekh has found his way...it’s way...we do not mean to impress our own ideas of gender on our new friend at this point in time, but Khoshekh has apparently found it’s way into Q branch, and into the domain of our favorite mad scientist with his glorious head of hair.

I wish we could go back to the days topics, but it seems as though we’ve been struck by this hard hitting news story. Ow.

Tonight, follow us as we dive into the dark depths of the deep, dark, dank, dastardly, deviant, dwellings of the Quartermaster of MI6. Who is that you ask? Why he’s the Quartermaster of MI6, our resident mad scientist, who is not quite evil...yet, with long, luscious glorious hair that everyone just wants to run their fingers through. And by everyone, I mean me. Oh, and that guy over there.

Who you ask. That man over there, that other beautiful man that lurks in the shadows pretending no one can see him, but we do. We do. That beautiful man, who goes by the name of Bond, James Bond has caught the Quartermaster with his glorious hair unawares. But let’s not pretend that there is nothing glorious about James Bond’s hair. It is golden like the color of fish and chips without the mushy peas.

Oh no. It would appear that our glorious James Bond has stumbled upon our equally glorious Quartermaster and the dastardly Khoshekh. I wonder who will triumph in this trifecta of glorious beings. Ladies and gentlemen and for those of you who have yet to choose, it would appear that Khoshekh has taken a liking to our Quartermaster. This saddens us, no longer will we be able to curl up in his lap and pretend he doesn’t hate it when we do that, instead we must play second fiddle to a floating cat. You impure beast, how dare you steal our Quartermaster!

For those of you who want ringside seats to the meeting of one floating cat and one master assassin, I bid you, come crouch down by me as we take bets as to who will survive this encounter...can two creatures vie for the attentions of the Quartermaster? Can a floating cat who has come from I know not where, but probably from some far dimension really compare to a man who looks gorgeous in a well cut suit? That, my dear audience will be left up to your imagination.

I long for a cat fight.

Ladies and gentlemen. The assassin approaches. Khoshekh hisses. Q is surprised. Why oh why is our darling Q surprised? Did he not hear the soft deadly footfalls of the hard deadly assassin? Is he expecting to die tonight? Or Perhaps a kiss? Will this assassin kill or steal a kiss from our brave Quartermaster, our Quartermaster the brave? Oh who, who will save our Quartermaster...who is glaring at me now. Listeners, I may not live past this night. If I don’t, I bequeath you my stamp collection and my Garbage Pail Kids Cards. The whole set, minus one.

And now, for [the weather.](https://youtu.be/-Qwv7QYYnY8)


End file.
